so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
