With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
