I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
