Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
