turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
