idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
