chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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