What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
