No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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