You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
It's official drugs can't kill me
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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