It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
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