I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
