you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
