took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
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