I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
