My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
