Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
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