spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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