no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
