What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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