With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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