I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
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