So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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