Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
