when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
