Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Randomize
