Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
