meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
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