Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
