who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
True strength comes from lack of pants
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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