He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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