when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
