So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
