I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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