is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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