I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
