hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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