Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
