it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Randomize
