IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
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