He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
