Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
You left your underwear on the fireplace
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
