What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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