I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
