I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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