The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
