The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Randomize
