Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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