Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
