News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
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