Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Randomize
