Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
