Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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